We all know that global warming
is perhaps the biggest threat facing humanity
over the next 50 years, but it’s not all bad news
according to Yahoo. According to a recent study, rising temperatures
will actually be good for getting folks in
North Dakota out of the house. You never even thought
about that part of it. -(applause and cheering)
-We never even thought about it. You, selfish,
underwater Hawaiians, it’s not all about you
all of the time! ORLANDO JONES:
Yeah. -What about North Dakota?
-Yeah. For some people,
global warming is a good thing. There are at least
40 meth-addicted frackers and a dozen or so
buffalo veterinarians who stand to benefit from it being a little nicer
outside for once. -So maybe open your (bleep)
minds… -(applause, cheering) …and think of some of the
benefits of global warming. I mean sure, sure, the mosquito
population will skyrocket and give most of the southern
hemisphere super Ebola, but for a lucky few, they’ll get
to sit out on their porch on a balmy February night
in North Dakota and get radiated by the sunset
with their pet polar bear who now will look like this, -and great, I say. Fun.
-(laughter, applause) That’s what they look like
when you shave them. -Every polar bear.
-(cheers and applause) Polar bears look all scary, but underneath,
just a little wiener. -Just…
-(laughter) So, comedians, I’ve listed
a couple, but I’m sure there are a lot more ways to approach this
very optimistically. What are some other benefits
of global warming? -Orlan… I’m sorry. Nimesh.
-Donald Trump will spend his winters
in Swamp Mar-a-Lago. -HARDWICK: Yes. Points.
Very good. -(laughter) -(applause and cheering)
-Orlando. Well, if it’s hot as balls, we know nudist colonies
are gonna be lit. -HARDWICK: All right. Points.
-(laughter) -Yeah. -Very good. -Lit!
-(applause and cheering) -Arden.
-Um, it’ll only take 15 minutes to fly
from coast to coast, Chris. -HARDWICK: Yes.
-Yes! -Finally. In-flight movie’s
just gonna be a clip -of the Cash Me Outside Girl.
-HARDWICK: Nope. -(laughter)